The Ways We Remember

As we approach each “big day” we often wonder what we are going to do. We have decided to make Archer present in our lives, because even though his body isn’t here, he still exists. He is always in our thoughts, prayers, and conversations. He is a member of our family. Not mentioning him doesn’t make things easier, for us it makes things more difficult. Everyone processes their grief differently. We are going to share some of the things we have decided to do to remember Archer and ways other people have helped us to do so. I am sure the way we do somethings will change, evolve, as the years go on. We continually get ideas from other people and incorporate them into what we do.

We are having a friend make an arch that we are calling “Archer’s Way.” He has designed it to have an “A” and the tree of life on it. We will place it over our walkway approaching our home. This will be a reminder of wanting to be with Archer for eternity, entering in by the way. I have bought some trumpet vines to grow on it.

We are going to have an “Archie Garden.” I found another mama on Instagram who started a business, “Lost and Keep Loving,” in honor of her baby. She has memorial sticks she sells, we bought a few for Archer’s 1st birthday. I have no idea which plants we will grow there, though I am contemplating making it a blue garden to reflect the color of his eyes. A friend gave us wind chimes to put up in remembrance of Archie. I want to put them up close to his garden.

· We have pictures of him throughout our home. We were asked by a friend if having his pictures everywhere makes it more difficult for us. Peter and I feel we are always thinking about him, he is ever present in our hearts and minds, having the pictures up helps. I do not want to forget what he looks like. I feel blessed we have so many pictures. He is a part of our family, and we’ve hung him up around our house as such.

· We take him on Archie Adventures. We pray before our adventures to invite him to come with us. We have our little laminated pictures of him so that we can document the adventure. We’ve had Archie Adventures to the library, snowshoeing, to a concert, his first car ride, to the temple, on a bike ride and will be taking him with us to Hawaii soon. I like feeling we have specific things for him to do with us.

· For Archer’s birthday we did a few things to memorialize the day. Peter wanted to have cake and go to the cemetery. I wanted to go on a bike ride, give gifts and do service. We were able to fit all these things in, it was good to keep ourselves a little busy, but still have time to do things in memory of Archer. I don’t think we’ll keep this exactly the same each year, but the main elements will stay the same. We will visit his grave, have cake, give gifts, and do some service. Singing “Happy Birthday,” is very much off of the table, it is too much for me to manage emotionally. We also had some friends give us balloons to carry notes to Archer on his birthday. We did this with my family. I loved watching the balloons soar into the sky, like they really were taking Archer his Happy Birthday notes. It was amazing to see how high they went, and watched them until we could no longer see them.

· We learned from someone else that they do “halo toasts,” using donuts on the days their sons passed away. Peter and I both like this idea. If we show up at your door with a box of donuts on December 9th, you will know why; if we don’t come by, you can grab a couple of donuts and do a halo toast in honor of our Archie-Bug.

These are some of the ways we have tried to remember Archer, keep him present in our lives and give ourselves outlets to grieve. Through this process of mourning, we’ve found comfort in remembering Archer. There’s comfort and peace in knowing that he is ours for eternity and continuing to incorporate him into our family.