Recently in General Conference, and again in Relief Society I was impacted by Elder Patrick Kearon’s talk, “God’s Intent is to Bring You Home.” The phrase that has echoed in my head is, “God is in relentless pursuit of you.” A synonym for relentless is incessant, meaning not to cease, not to stop. God is always pursuing us, to bring us closer to Him, to let us know that we are loved, to remind us we are always on His mind and to strengthen our relationship with Him. The end goal being to have us live with Him some day. The difference between Him and Satan is that God wants us to choose Him, not have Him as our fallback choice, but to have His pursuit of us be mirrored in our pursuit of Him.
There were times I would talk to Dad about Erich, my brother who passed 3 days after his birth. This was before I had even met Peter. It seems when a tragedy happens in someone else’s life, you review the tragedies that have transpired in yours, and others close to you. When Erich was born the doctors wanted Dad to let Erich go, no interventions. They didn’t like the idea that Mom and Dad would possibly have to take care of a son in a vegetative state. Dad fought them on it, basically stating, “How can I love him less? How can I not do everything for him to get him to stay and be with us?” I related to that time and again with Archer. It didn’t matter if we lost sleep, if our anxiety was off the charts, it didn’t matter what happened to us, we wanted him with us. We were willing to fight with Archer, as long as he was willing to fight. I imagine that Heavenly Father feels similar, but He doesn’t cease His fight to bring us home. He knows that the consequences of what happens in this life affects the eternities to come.
It's difficult to have that kind of eternal perspective when so many things that happen in this life feel like tragedies: miscarriages, death of young ones, the loss of a spouse, the loss of a parent, mental health crises . . . the list goes on and on. In Tragedy or Destiny Spencer W. Kimball states, “We are limited in our visions. With our eyes we can see but a few miles. With our ears we can hear but a few years. We are encased, enclosed, as it were, in a room, but when our light goes out of this life, then we see beyond mortal limitation.” For now, though our understanding of what happens in this life is limited, not knowing why things happen can become a barrier between us and Heavenly Father.
It can make it even harder to swallow when we know that Heavenly Father could have prevented what happened in our life. It can feel like He loves everyone, but me. If He loved me, He would… I know I have felt that way, trying to bargain for Archer’s life in any way possible, wanting to take his place, begging Heavenly Father to heal him. Yet it didn’t happen. Is Heavenly Father really relentlessly pursuing me? It sures leaves one to question after a great tragedy in your life.
“Did the Lord cause the man to suffer a heart attack? Was the death of the missionary untimely? Answer, if you can. I cannot, for though I know God has a major role in our lives, I do not know how much he causes to happen and how much he merely permits. Whatever the answer to this question, there is another I feel sure about.
Could the Lord have prevented these tragedies? The answer is, Yes. The Lord is omnipotent, with all power to control our lives, save us pain, prevent all accidents, drive all planes and cars, feed us, protect us, save us from labor, effort, sickness, even from death, if he will. But he will not.
We should be able to understand this, because we can realize how unwise it would be for us to shield our children from all effort, from disappointments, temptations, sorrows, and suffering.
The basic gospel law is free agency and eternal development. To force us to be careful or righteous would be to nullify that fundamental law and make growth impossible. (Spencer W. Kimball, Tragedy or Destiny)”
Growth is a necessity to be able to return to God, and we need to be looking towards Him for that help. For us to relentlessly pursue our Father in Heaven, we have to choose Him, choose to invest in a relationship with Him. When we do that, we find that our faith cometh not by signs, but those signs instead follow those who believe. (D&C 63:9, paraphrased) As we open our hearts to allow God’s love in, we are then reassured that life is eternal, and though there are tragedies that don’t make sense to us, we are loved deeply and profoundly. God will do whatever He can to bring us back to Him, within the bounds that He is allowed. He reminds us of His love. He sacrificed His Beloved Son to make it possible for us to return to Him. That makes us beloved too.
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