Over the last few months, I have had to come to terms with many of the things that I have worked for not coming to fruition. I have also had to come to terms with prayers seeming to be unanswered. I asked my self “what is the point of all of this work, it all feels like a waste of time?” I began to think this way in the military when every time I had to watch my work be ignored or be undone. I literally spent two years setting up different plans and processes for a unit I was in, when suddenly a decision came to shut that unit down. All that I worked for had gone to waste, or so I thought. If everything that I am going to do in this life is to be destroyed, then why does it matter if I do anything?
After losing Archer, the failure of the two adoptions, and obtaining two degrees without finding employment from them, I begin again to think, what the heck is going on, and why is Heavenly Father not helping me out here? I am supposed to be writing about finding hope, yet I am beginning to believe that what I do doesn’t matter. I further go down the rabbit hole and ruminate on all of the rejections that I have had in my life, and all of the hurts. I am reinforcing the belief that I, myself, am not important to anybody, least of all Heavenly Father, since my prayers are not being answered in the way that I want them to be.
Many can relate to my experiences that what we do doesn’t seem to matter. However, that is a lie. What we do does matter. It matters so much so that a good portion of the scriptures is about how we act and what we become. Even Joseph Smith had to endure many trials and tribulations, more than most, and this is what the Lord told him,
“if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” D&C 122:7
There are two words that I want to key in on, experience and good. What we experience is for our good. Since the Lord tells Joseph that his hardships are for his good, then what we do, regardless of our success or failure can be for our good. Furthermore, God gave Joseph a caveat on dealing with adversity, “if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” (D&C 121:8). The important part of the sentence is endure it well. We have seen many fall because they do not endure their hardships well.
It is hard to have a positive outlook of having hardships. Or, how many of us really look forward to having overwhelming problems? I can guarantee that I am not one of those people. Yet, it is very important to remember that what we do does matter, however pointless it seems at the time. I say this again, what we do is important. And, having the knowledge that what we do does matter can give us hope that Heavenly Father does care about our hardships.
I have had to take hold of this concept, what I do does matter, that gets me through the next set of challenges. This is something that can easily be forgotten when things are going well. I know that I have written similar things in this blog, yet when the trials, disappointments and failures happen, if I don’t remember this, I have to struggle to come again to realize that what I do does matter and I need to keep moving forward. Consequently, moving forward and knowing that your actions matter, does not take the pain away from these hardships of life. Yet knowing this is a good first step in taking hold of hope; then we need to take further steps to strengthen our hope.
I wanted to cover this topic n this post, because how easily we can become self-destructive when we believe our action or ourselves don’t matter. How easily we begin to believe that Heavenly Father isn’t there for us when he really is. The next step in finding hope is taking our problems to Heavenly Father and having faith and hope that He is there for us.
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