Have you ever lost yourself in a situation, a moment, a relationship, or a goal? Were you so focused on what you wanted you lost the identity of who you are, the essence of you? Were you in a situation where your health or someone else’s took precedence over anything else? Did you give of yourself to the point you don’t know who you are? Maybe you’ve been lost for a while, finding oneself doesn’t have any kind of time limit. Maybe life happened and you took on a role that changed you, maybe you have longed for a role that hasn’t yet been taken on. I know I have lost myself in relationships. I know I have been lost various times in my life for different reasons. I am going to relate this finding of oneself to getting back on a bike.
While finding yourself you need to realize that it won’t be a smooth ride, there will be bumps and setbacks. Everyone will have their moments like I did at Bear Lake. I decided I wanted to ride around the lake. I took off with a great tail wind and was cruising along the east side of the lake. As soon as I turned onto the west side of the lake that great tail wind turned into a head wind. It was brutal! I was pedaling furiously and getting absolutely nowhere. A semi came cruising by and it created a big enough gust to knock me completely over, bike and all. I was scraped up and bleeding, but ok. However, it shook me up enough that I phoned a friend, and she came and picked me up to take me back to the cabin. We all will have those Bear Lake moments when we are giving it all we have and getting nowhere, when we are facing insurmountable headwinds that halt our progress and with the assistance of a semi-truck, we are easily tipped over to be wounded. It is then we can phone a friend, whether that is prayer, or talking to a friend here on earth, we always have someone to help support us getting back up and continuing our journey, progressing, and rediscovering who we are.
I have always enjoyed biking, though honestly haven’t done it for a few years. At one point in time, I owned a mountain bike, road bike and hybrid, a little excessive, yes. I ended up giving the hybrid away after I bought my road bike. I learned to ride a bike as a child. I remember riding to the dead end by Grandma Stanger’s, she had irrigation ditches, and we really tested our skills trying to jump those with our Huffys. The baskets Dad had attached to the front of our bikes saved us a few times from really hurting ourselves. When we were older, we acquired 10 speeds, they were so much faster and much easier to go visit friends on. We could go farther and faster, a much-desired outcome. They were a mode of transportation that offered us a sense of independence, something a growing child is always looking to achieve. Later, when I went on my mission, I bought a mission bike, the sturdy, heavy and indestructible Liahona. It was built to last, it needed to be, missionaries are hard on everything. It came home with me and was what I used to learn to mountain bike. I had no idea how much easier it is to mountain bike on a decent bike until years later when I bought a Rock Hopper so I could truly summit mountains. I have never been a very skilled rider, just a determined one. I get good and then the snow falls, and my interest goes elsewhere, so my skill level starts over in the spring.
Being pregnant, and a high-risk pregnancy, biking was taken off the table, falling was not something that was a good idea. Then we were in the hospital and our focus was Archer. Peter and I both lost ourselves there, and rightfully so, that is what parents do, you give of yourselves to help your children develop. Upon returning home, and feeling so lost, we both have found a little bit of ourselves through biking. My sister-in-law Meghan presented the idea of riding “Little Red” together, but we were too late to register. I then found the “Salt to Saint” ride. I like that it is a relay, we are on a team together, and are supporting each other to get ready. I am happy it is in September because all of us need time to train. It is through this training, the work, that I see Peter and myself beginning to find ourselves and our interests. It has given us a purpose, even if it is a temporary one. It gives us an adventure to take Archie on. It is helping us to find some joy in the journey, by getting back on the bike, literally and figuratively.
Biking isn’t the only thing we’ve added, there are other things we are using to help us find ourselves: travel/Archie Adventures, Peter loves to plan vacations and travel, I enjoy traveling. We enjoy reading, doing puzzles, going to the temple, walking, and slowing down when life feels overwhelming, or we are getting lost in our sorrow. Peter enjoys video games. I find this blog is helpful, it gives us a creative outlet. Peter is finishing his master’s degree and starting a business. I am excited to garden again and work on our yard. I am doing activities I enjoy that will give me a chance to put myself back together, to get back on my bike. Finding yourself, knowing who you are is essential to finding joy, this life is meant to be more than just survived. If you are lost, get back on your bike, slowly but surely, you’ll find who you are and what you like doing. Yes, you won’t be the same person, there’s more depth to who you are. The fragility you have now will turn into a strength as you work those muscles on your biking journey. You’ll be stronger because of what you have gone through and the burden you are carrying. You will understand that your bike is tandem, the other rider being the one who carries us throughout our lives, Jesus Christ.
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