“Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (Heb. 11:1; Alma 32:21), and must be centered in Jesus Christ in order to produce salvation” (Bible Dictionary). It is said that if we have the faith of a mustard seed, we can move mountains. (Matthew 17:20).
Peter and I learned that Archer had issues with his ureters, the connection between the kidneys and bladder, at about 20 weeks. It knocked the wind out of us, but he kept growing and developing and we kept cheering him on. At 33 weeks he had lost all his amniotic fluid. That appointment was brutal with the doctor telling us that we needed to go home and prepare to bury Archer. It was the weekend of General Conference. I don’t remember a lot of what was said that weekend. Peter and I had spent time to choose all the things we would need to bury him. I was still devastated we hadn’t gotten the miracle we had prayed and hoped for. In President Nelson’s final talk that Sunday morning he told us to not only pray for miracles, but to expect miracles. “Moving your mountains may require a miracle. Learn about miracles. Miracles come according to your faith in the Lord. Central to that faith is trusting His will and timetable—how and when He will bless you with the miraculous help you desire” (Pres. Nelson 2021). I remember thinking, “I need a miracle, and so does our baby.” I asked for a miracle, for the possibility of getting to know Archer in this life. I prayed with confidence, knowing something would happen, but unsure what that would be. Not even 5 minutes later we had a call from Dr. Monson letting us know that Stanford had a spot for us in their Aquadex program (a type of dialysis) if we were willing to go. We said of course and witnessed one of the first of many miracles that got us to Stanford.
These miracles would include me going into labor early and watching our “Red Sea” part so that we could get to Stanford before Archer was born in an emergency c-section. I got to hear him cry, something we’d thought impossible after that last doctor’s appointment. Peter made it safely to California after a 13-hour drive. We saw miracles happen that prolonged Archer’s life, saved him from some suffering, and gave us more time with him again and again. We saw mountains moved with our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
And yet, here we are without our Archie with us. Is it because we lacked faith? I don’t feel like that is why. I have had many people comment that Archer was more prayed for in their homes than anyone they’ve ever known. I believe that. We were carried by prayers, and so was he. He had a way of gathering people around him. I don’t know if it was those big blue eyes with the killer eyelashes, his spirit or what. I know how much I love him and watched as we would enter his room and have people visiting him and each other, seeing how their buddy was doing. With all of that happening, it seems weird that with all the miracles we saw and experienced, having him healed wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t God’s will that mountain wasn’t moved. I think we forget the purpose behind prayer and fasting isn’t to bend Heavenly Father’s will to ours, but instead bend our will to His.
Sheri Dew said: “My life has been filled with spiritual wrestling-not because of any great valor on my part but because I have yearned to understand why certain things were happening to me, and why others were not. For decades I have fasted, prayed and pleaded for a husband. I've asked who he is, where he is, and when he's coming. As of today, I still don't know the answer to any of those questions. But the wrestle has blessed me with the knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior, that His gospel is filled with power, and that God will talk to and direct me.” I think we all feel this way at some time or other. I know it was nothing we did or didn’t do that caused Archer to die. It wasn’t a lack of faith on ours or anyone else’s part. Maybe the problem sometimes is the expectations we place on our faith… If I had the faith I needed, then “_______” would (or wouldn’t) happen. If then statements place our expectations on Heavenly Father’s will. Faith isn’t a reason to beat ourselves up and say we are worthless. Faith in Jesus Christ centers us, knowing we are Children of God. We have infinite worth and wrestling for answers and understanding is part of this life. Henry B. Eyring said, “Now, I wish to encourage those who are in the midst of hard trials, who feel their faith may be fading under the onslaught of troubles. Trouble itself can be your way to strengthen and finally gain unshakable faith.”
In my life I have watched amazing men and women with faith beyond that of a mustard seed not receive what was prayed and fasted for. Their mountain wasn’t moved because of lack of faith, maybe it will be moved in a different way or a different time. We will have to wait and see. Elder David Bednar spoke about a conversation he had with Elder Maxwell: “’Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives—even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted… I asked Elder Maxwell what lessons he had learned through his illness. I will remember always the precise and penetrating answer he gave. “Dave,” he said, “I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving…’ Elder Maxwell taught with great authenticity: ‘As we confront our own … trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we might not … shrink’—meaning to retreat or to recoil (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving! Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus.”
So now our job is to drink the bitter cup of losing Archer and to not become bitter. For me this will take great faith to rely on Christ to help my broken heart to not become hard, bitter, and unforgiving. It will take faith to move the mountains that are placed before me each day of doubt and sadness. It will take faith in Christ to know He is pleased with how we are enduring in faith and hope, looking forward to the day when we will see Him again. It will take faith to accept the mountains that weren’t moved in the way that we expected. “Righteousness and faith certainly are instrumental in moving mountains—if moving mountains accomplishes God’s purposes and is in accordance with His will. Righteousness and faith certainly are instrumental in healing the sick, deaf, and lame—if such healing accomplishes God’s purposes and is in accordance with His will. Thus, even if we have strong faith, many mountains will not be moved.” (Bednar, March 3, 2013). We need faith in Christ even though Archer wasn’t healed in this life, but know he will be healed in the next life through Christ’s Resurrection.
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