Triggers, my world is now filled with reminders of the love I have for a beautiful blue-eyed boy. Some of these triggers I know are coming, like the whisper on a breeze, they start gentle and sweet, but if things aren’t brief that whisper can cause the tumult of a full-blown storm. I do my best to not be taken up in a Dorothy like twister to a land that is not familiar, but there are times when those triggers hit so hard, I can’t find my bearings and I fall head over heels into a rabbit hole, like Alice. It can take days to dig myself out and regain the footing I held before being bowled over. Just like Alice I need to find myself again. “‘Who are you?’ said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, ‘I—I hardly know, sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then’” (Alice in Wonderland). It is at these times of mental anguish I need to rely on my Savior to help pull me out. It seems like prevention works better than intervention, which reflects life in general. Elder Uchtdorf said: “Brothers and sisters, dear friends, we live in perilous times. Nations are perplexed, judgment is upon the land, and peace has been taken from the earth (see Doctrine and Covenants 1:35; 88:79). But peace need not be taken from our hearts, even if we must suffer, grieve, and wait on the Lord.”
What can I do so that peace isn’t taken from my heart, to prevent me from curling up into a ball and tumbling uncontrollably into the darkness of a rabbit hole. Patricia P. Pingree suggested 3 things and I added 2 more which have recently helped me.
“1. First, we must have complete trust in our Father’s plan of happiness and our Savior’s part in that plan.
2. The second thing that has helped me receive these blessings is the principle of courageous obedience…
3. The third thing we can do to receive these blessings of peace, hope, and direction is to learn to respond to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and acknowledge to the Lord our gratitude for this great gift.” (First 3 Patricia P. Pingree)
4. Start your day out with something that brings in the spirit and end your day that way too.
5. Be worthy of your covenants and attend the temple.
First, complete trust in our Heavenly Father’s plan. What is our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness? It is knowing that we are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. That we lived before we were born as spirits. We chose to come to earth, get a body and be tested and tried. We fall short though and sin, whether it is a small sin or a big sin, dirt is dirt, and we need help to be cleansed from our imperfections. We needed help to meet the needs of justice and are offered mercy through our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through His atonement and resurrection, we can repent and change. This makes it possible for us to be worthy to return to live with our Heavenly Father again someday. Another part of the plan is death, we each must die and have our spirits separated from our bodies. This part of the plan is my least favorite in this life because then I am separated from people I love. However, I must remember that EVERYONE will resurrect, it is a gift Christ gave everyone who is born. Trusting and remembering Heavenly Father’s plan is necessary to evade these rabbit holes. The rabbit holes I fall into are filled with regrets, mistakes, and longings. These are events that have already transpired, and I cannot change, they are like a poison to my mental health. “For if one drinks much from a bottle marked ‘poison,’ it’s almost certain to disagree with one sooner or later” (Alice in Wonderland). Trusting and having faith in Heavenly Father’s Plan is essential, believing that this life isn’t the end and there is more to our existence.
Second, courageous obedience. When I think of courageous obedience I think of the apostles after Christ was crucified. They knew what had happened to the Savior and yet they still went out preaching faith, baptism and repentance. They knew their lives could easily end like it did for Jesus and John the Baptist but continued to feed His sheep. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Tim 1:7). Moroni, who was wandering by himself, hunted by the Lamanites because of his courageous obedience… “because of their hatred they put to death every Nephite that will not deny the Christ. And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ; wherefore, I wander whithersoever I can for the safety of mine own life” (Moroni 1: 2-3). Then there is Captain Moroni. To be a person like Captain Moroni, “…if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men” (Alma 48:17). Those are some of my examples of courageous obedience. They did what was right, but in a way that reflected who they served.
Third is to respond to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and be grateful for the direction the spirit gives us. Following the promptings we had, led us to be directed to serve the nurses and doctors. When we were caught up in our own sorrow it was difficult to see the sorrow of others. When we were approaching the end of Archer’s life, the last month or two we really tried to focus on this. We knew the stress the nurses and doctors were under, that they had their own trials in their lives and they were serving us. We tried to listen to them and serve them in the smallest of ways, knowing we would never be able to pay them back for the service they offered us, taking care of our Archie Bug. I felt it helped us show them love and appreciation, it was all we really had to offer them. As the fog has slowly begun to lift, serving has helped us find joy in our new journey.
Fourth, start your day out with the spirit and end your day that way too. I have found that as I listen to conference talks and various other speeches in the morning, then end my day with our scripture study and blog writing it helps me evade rabbit holes. Today while I was preparing our taxes, I had to dig through Archer’s few belongings, we decided to keep, for his social security card. I broke down in the middle and couldn’t see to find the card. Peter came out and helped me find it. I was able to complete our taxes and not start down the rabbit hole, spiraling through all the things I wish I could change that had happened. I feel like the pattern I have started has helped me gain strength and find more appreciation for the time we had with our Archie. It doesn’t stop the triggers but helps me have more resilience to handle my reaction to the triggers.
Fifth, be worthy of your covenants and attend the temple. We gain strength from the covenants we’ve made with Heavenly Father. He promises that we can always have His spirit with us. We promise to serve Him, one way is to attend the temple. The first time we went was difficult and overwhelming, but it has gotten easier. I feel like the peace we find in the temple helps immensely in evading a fall into a rabbit hole. It helps me to focus on the eternities, Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness, eternal families and being grateful how all of these blessings are offered because of Christ’s atonement and resurrection. If you aren’t currently worthy, I challenge you to go to the temple and sit in the visitor’s center/waiting room. Get as close as you can to going in, you will be blessed. If you are worthy, go! President Thomas S. Monson taught: “As we go to the [temple], as we remember the covenants we make therein, we will be able to bear every trial and overcome each temptation. The temple provides purpose for our lives. It brings peace to our souls—not the peace provided by men, but the peace promised by the Son of God.”
Triggers, I am trying to combat them. These are 5 ways that help me not to spiral out of control, to succumb to my triggers. It doesn’t mean I don’t think of Archer, it just means I don’t let myself enter a place where the darkness overpowers the light. “It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” –Alice (Alice in Wonderland). That is the purpose of this life, to become different people, perfected through the atonement of Christ, relying on Him who is mighty to save.
Salt Lake Temple Art by Bobbidee Evans
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