My Mom and Dad lost a son when he was 6 days old. It has been over 40 years since Erich passed away, but I know that they think of him often. I also know that what we went through triggered many memories and emotions. We talked with them while we were in the hospital and after Archer passed. One thing we talked about was the grieving process. Even though acceptance has occurred the pain of the loss is still there. You just accept that loss and learn to live with it; you become accustomed to the burden. After Erich had passed, when Mom and Dad would go out on their dates Grandma Stanger would babysit us a lot, and she would lament that there should be one more with us playing, not 3 but 4. She often said this to Dad.
Another thing Dad shared was a story of two neighbors, Tom and Dee (names have been changed). Tom had lost his son in an awful accident. Dee had gone to visit them years after the accident and found Tom in the barn crying because he couldn’t get over it, or forget their son that had been killed. Tom was frustrated with himself because he felt like he was weak for still being distraught after what he felt was a long time. Dee let him know he shouldn’t forget him, nor did anyone expect for him to get over it. Love doesn’t just end when a person’s body stops housing their spirit. This type of loss leaves a hole in you, it wounds you to the core. There is a sculpture someone made representing a parent who lost their child. It is called “Emptiness.”
The feeling this sculpture depicts and evokes is quite accurate. There will always be certain dates, celebrations, songs, smells etc. that trigger memories of Archer. The emptiness of the 8th of each month, because of Archer’s birthday and now the 9th of each month because of his death. Christmas is so close to his funeral. These dates echo in my heart the loss of my Archie-bug. What is interesting is the wound in another Man will heal my wounded heart, that wound causes me to constantly think and miss Archer.
Isaiah 49:15-16: 15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.
We are always remembered through something that caused the greatest pain ever felt, Christ’s Atonement. Through His stripes we are healed. So, now for me enduring is remembering, remembering is painful, but remembering exemplifies the example of Christ. Remembering is love.
Drawing by Bobbidee Evans
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