I have had moments in my life where things didn’t fit, where I didn’t fit. I felt like a round peg
being shoved into a square hole. I was told by one principal how she valued my “out of the box” thinking, but it was obvious that she really wanted me inside the box with everything else she said and did. I was told that “No ‘good’ member of the church could be a Democrat.” I was non-partisan then, but my parents were both active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, good people, and *gasp* Democrats. I was single until the age of 41 in a church that places an extremely high emphasis on marriage and family. I was told I was too picky, dated too much, was too career driven, too intelligent, shouldn’t have served a mission… etc. Honestly what it came down to was having a wonderful father, who had created a good relationship with my amazing mom, and I didn’t want to settle for anything less.
I was around 33 when I started going to CrossFit. I loved it there. I had found a home. I had
recently been kicked out of the Young Single Adult Ward with a bunch of “older friends” who had found a home there. The Family Ward had nice people, but nothing that felt like I belonged. Then I found a bunch of amazing people at CrossFit who knew how to be friends, fellowship people and be inclusive. It was what I should have found at church, but I found it somewhere else. I loved it there and would race after work to make it to the gym on time. I found the social aspect I needed and craved. I had a social conversion to CrossFit.
It really frustrated me that I couldn’t find that feeling at church, but at the time I couldn’t. I didn’t feel needed, and slowly fell away. At the time I was going to CrossFit and played on 2-3 indoor soccer teams, depending upon the time of year. One team I played on had a friend from church, though we were friends from soccer, who just happened to be in the same church congregation. She couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t going. I was still doing some things that active members didn’t do, like my visiting teaching. I can’t remember what I told her, but think it was to the effect that it wasn’t that I didn’t know the church was true, I just didn’t know if I fit. Here I was again, round peg, square hole.
That friend eventually was called as the Relief Society President, and she felt strongly that I
needed to be called as her secretary. When the bishop extended the call, I almost swore at him. I wasn’t quite ready to go back, but Heavenly Father knew that I was/am motivated strongly by loyalty, and I was loyal to this friend and wouldn’t say “no.” So back I went to church. What I found in going back was how many others were feeling the same way, that they didn’t fit in. It must be a tactic that Satan uses to get us frequently, make us feel isolated, because there is strength in numbers. There is strength in feeling like you have a friend, even if it is just one.
It is interesting to watch how Heavenly Father calls each of us back to Him, one by one.
Whether that is through a friend extending a calling to you, the conversion of another, or having someone empathize with what you are going through. It doesn’t always make what you are going through easier to bear, it just takes a bit of the sting off, knowing you aren’t the only one. You aren’t the only one to have lost a child. You aren’t the only one to have been single for a while. You aren’t the only one with an autoimmune disease. You aren’t the only one. Heavenly Father helps us to find each other, minister to each other and find strength through Him. He makes it so that we can find the one, especially after we have been the one. He makes it possible for us to understand each other in our times of agony and grief, because we speak the language of the one He has brought us to.
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