There are times in our lives when we can pinpoint to an exact date that has had enormous impact. These significant dates are often called watershed moments because they affect how one lives their life for a long period of time. Other times, these dates can seem very insignificant until we realize the culmination of our decisions, and realize that it was at a certain crossroad that was the start of the chain of events. For me, it was eight months ago to the date, that Heidi and I would make a decision that would affect our future in the long term.
However, that crossroad would not have happened if we hadn’t made our decision to foster children with the hope to adopt. We chose this route due to other reasons. We wanted to Adopt but that was expensive and having a child the organic way was not in the cards at that time. Therefore, we began taking the required foster care classes, and when we arrived at the end, we felt that fostering was not the right path for us. But, those classes did help us with the adoption route that soon would be available for us. Needless to say, Heidi received a call from a friend letting her know of a possible situation for adoption and felt we would be the right fit. We decided to go for it, and the birth parents selected us as potential parents for their child. Ironically, when the birth came, the birth parents decided that they did not want to put their child up for adoption. This was one of the reasons we decided that we did not want to foster was because we wanted to grow our family first, then we could help other families stay together.
We weren’t mad at this situation. The birth parents were the ones who did not want to lose their child but felt that if certain circumstances moved forward, foster care would not be the best for their child. They wanted their baby to have a permanent, stable home. We were sympathetic, and we stepped away. As our hopes were dashed, it was about two months later when we were selected again, this time was not the same. We experienced the tragedy that comes with parents who use their babies for profit. We were not happy to be told that we had to leave what could have been our child behind. Yet, the law is the law. We had to comply. At this point we needed to put adoption on hold and find a different route.
At this point, it was time that we were able to do the fertility clinic route. This was miraculous in a way. After we had healthy embryos, we tried for pregnancy with one of them. As the pregnancy advanced, we found out that Archer was having difficulty with his kidneys. We were asked if we wanted to keep him. We said yes, whatever may come. It wasn’t until the week prior to Archer being born that we were told that he would not survive, since there wasn’t a way to help properly keep his kidneys functioning. It was a couple of days later when the doctor that was overseeing our pregnancy told us that we had an option of going to Stanford, and we said yes. Little did we know what we were in for, and if we had to do it again, we would.
Archer would be born on April 8, 2022. He was alive through his ups and downs until we came to the final crossroads at the hospital, on December 8, 2022, when all possible care had been exhausted to keep Archer alive, we decided it was time to let Archer be at peace. On December 9th, 2022, eight months later, Archer passed away.
Today is August 9, 2023, eight months later, and it is the time that Archer has been deceased as long has he had been alive. As these eight months have culminated, Heidi and I have had to make some hard choices. Through these choices, we are coming to the crossroads again to where our future is going to lead us. Wherever that may be, August 9, 2023 will always be a reminder that Archer surpassed his life in death. That the decision of December will continue to shape our lives for the future. We miss him and love him and will look forward to the day we are together again, when we meet at our crossroads.
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