Approaching the completion of our first year without Archer is such an overwhelmingly sad accomplishment. We have had to move on as much as we could, while having a large part of our heart that is frozen in time with him. Peter has moved on to finish the master’s he put on pause while we were in California. He was so overwhelmed with trying to complete classes and spending time with Archer, it was too much. I am grateful he put things on hold so that he could spend more time with Archer and not feel split in two. I have continued to work online to help supplement our income and have found some peace and joy in painting again.
My body is slowly healing from the difficulty of fertility treatments and pregnancy, but my hormones show the wear and tear from everything. I still can’t feel my lower abdomen, those nerves may never regenerate until the next life.
We have caught up with friends and family, we were isolated from everyone for a very long time. We have made new friends. I still find myself having difficulty in large groups. It feels like a movie scene where you are the one standing in place while everyone else runs around in fast motion.
We have worked on our yard, reimagining what we want now that we won’t need a place for kids to play. Our home has changed too, the baby’s room becoming my paint room.
We started a DND group. It has been a fun escape thus far.
Basically, we are working to rebuild our lives. In the wake of the destruction one feels after losing someone so near and dear to you, it is what you slowly do. With each brick placed in the new edifice you construct there is the mortar of love you feel for them surrounding each brick, reminding you that you are doing something without them. Yet there is hope found in this exercise. Hope that if you can continue to move forward that you are moving forward to see them again sooner. Hope that in this rebuilding you will build something that can last for the eternities, with them in it. Hope that you are becoming a better person that will be worthy to be with them some day. And so as we approach a year without Archer, I continue to hold tight to the truths we hold dear, knowing our little family is eternal, that we are all loved by our Heavenly Father, and that Jesus Christ has provided the means for us to be together again.
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